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| Friday, July 3rd, 2009 | | 9:35 pm |
Thank you to jexia for the enormous bunch of flowers that turned up at work this morning. It was so good to know people are thinking of me xxx | | Wednesday, July 1st, 2009 | | 9:40 pm |
I went to the doctor today. My depression level via the depression module is 23/25. She says normally she would start off the meds slowly, but due to the degree of depression she wants me on a high level in the next few days as opposed to weeks. It was nice to have someone know exactly how I was feeling. She said to tell my family and friends this: "I am in a very bad way right now, but I am not going to kill myself. It will take a few months but you will have the old me back". Her words. Consider yourselves told. | | 8:10 am |
Hello depression my old friend
I have been in a dark hole for a while. I don't see anyone, I cry all the time. Tears that fall hard and won't stop for literally hours. And these days even around Mark. I'll go to the doctors today. | | Wednesday, June 17th, 2009 | | 6:18 pm |
Bluuurch. Been sick for about a month. Feeling good two days ago then headache again yesterday that just wouldn't go away! Better today though. Let's hope it's a sign of things to come. After a month of being sick my paperwork is piled a metre high on my desk so I need to get well for long enough to get on top of it. The girls laugh at me. I laughed back though when today I actually saw part of my desk through the slowly diminishing mess. I know it's under there somewhere! | | Friday, June 12th, 2009 | | 11:45 pm |
Visit to the doctor today. Apparently now I have reactive hypoglycemia. It's always a different diagnosis, but it every one boils down to I have to eat better, drink less caffeine and alcohol, and drink more water. | | Thursday, May 28th, 2009 | | 8:26 pm |
I just spent 14hrs covered in baby oil and dirt, and wearing a thin wet sheet. In the middle of winter. I am tired. And sick. My throat was sore yesterday and killing me by 5:30am when I got up this morning. I'm sure the cold and wet and screaming for 14hrs straight hasn't helped. I can't talk or swallow. Ouch. | | Tuesday, May 26th, 2009 | | 9:39 pm |
I got offered a small part in the TV series "Spartacus". Which is weird coz I didn't audition for it. The casting director specifically emailed my agent asking for me. I thought it was a dumb-ass extra type part and wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for my agent (it's a bad look to say no). But it turns out to be not so bad. Small, but with the potential for the character to come back later. I film on Thursday. Strange though. | | Sunday, May 17th, 2009 | | 7:07 pm |
I used to sit at 59kg and 12.75% body fat. In less than a year I am now 77kg and about 21-25% body fat. The levels of body fat are essential fat, athlete, fitness, acceptable, fat and obese. I used to be in between essential fat and athlete, I am now in fitness to acceptable. Not bad, but a lot worse than I was. It is getting me very much down. I have a small frame so it just looks bad on me. I went for a bike ride yesterday. I rode 1km. I stopped 6 times and arrived home with heart palpitations and near vomiting. I used to be a lot fitter even when I was ill with CFS (not in my worst where I couldn't make it down the hallway, but in general). I don't fit most of my clothes and refuse to "allow" myself to get bigger by buying more clothes. So I'm just wearing the same outfit day after day. Some of my friends that I haven't seen in a while don't even recognise me at first! I am too embarrassed to go out, and WAY too embarrassed to meet M's friends. Dammit I used to be hot and have abs!! I really have to do something, so I'm going to try tracking to my goal weight on here. I can't find a tracker for my body fat, but my aim is 12%.
 | | Thursday, May 7th, 2009 | | 8:56 pm |
| | Thursday, April 30th, 2009 | | 7:14 pm |
I have a colleague at head office in swine flu quarantine. And Mark also has a friend in quarantine. A little close to home! Head office for Caci has brought in a new system for our laser hair removal - a one year treatment period followed by a two year guarantee! Although it officially launches on the 6th May, once our chosen consultant was trained we were allowed to start immediately. I started yesterday and my girl has already made me several thousand dollars in two days!! She is at 100% conversion of her consults! It's amazing. Turns out, people like a guarantee! Who'da thunk it? Received our adoption pack tonight. A little scary as we were told it would be a year long waiting list till the Education and Preparation Days, and we can start in 4 weeks. On the one hand I don't want to start in case it is all that fast and we end up with a baby before we are ready, and on the other hand, the whole process is meant to take three to four years, so if we delay it, it may take longer. | | Saturday, April 25th, 2009 | | 10:59 pm |
30 Rock Cocktail 1 part Vanilla liqueur 1 part Alize Rose (Cognac, French Vodka, Rose and Strawberry flavours) 1 part Malibu Serve over shaved ice | | Thursday, April 23rd, 2009 | | 7:26 pm |
Stuff is good. I needed a good break so being at the Gold Coast with mum was great (although it was thunderstorms all week!) We swam in the thunderstorm, had a spa in the rain and as we travelled on the train saw all the houses half underwater! We went to Dreamworld and White Water World and had an amazing time!! I ate more healthy than I'd eaten in almost a year and drank less than I'd had in almost a year. It was a very much needed break. And the rain didn't spoil a thing! My boy turns 30 on Tuesday. He is the most amazing man I know and I talked about him all night at the VIP evening I was at tonight (at a highly specialised jewellers - ooh err). He is everything I need in a man. But of course now that he's going to be 30 I'll have to trade him in for a younger model..... *tongue in cheek in case you hadn't realised* The sex thing has sorted itself for now. Business is shocking but has got some great points right now. the Beauty Therapists are performing better than ever. Their place of work is safe now and they are responding as such. The one that was underperforming is still underperforming but getting better every week. It's amazing to see the graph of her performance since I took over. And I've made the most amazing friends. Girls who are like me. And I've saved enough money to start investing. Albeit a small amount, but still! Life couldn't be better right now. | | Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009 | | 4:23 pm |
My clinic is being filmed for Nightline tomorrow. Woohoo! | | Thursday, April 9th, 2009 | | 10:16 pm |
To add on to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) jexia's entry - yes it was my block of buildings on fire in Newmarket. The building next door. Funnily enough it was the one I used to manage...! I went to leave to go pack for my holiday to Oz. I had to turn immediately back around to evacuate my staff and clients. (Well, there was only one client in the building). Funnily enough my beauty therapist thought she should finish the back wax first, even though she could see the flames licking up outside the window! THAT'S dedication!! So hopefully not too much, if any, fire damage, but yes, there is definitely smoke damage. Nothing a little airing out and odor neutralizers can't fix though. I hope. I've contacted the insurance people anyway, just in case. Not worried enough to stop my trip overseas anyway. I need this holiday!! Exciting evening. A moment where they weren't able to contain where I thought, crap, I really might lose my building. But otherwise just an interesting evening. | | Tuesday, March 31st, 2009 | | 10:07 pm |
I've had my doubts of late, but I realised... M really is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I called my sis tonight and she was ill so couldn't come to the phone. So I talked to my nephew instead. We had such a grown up conversation. I asked how his day was and he said "good", then I said "Do you want to come and visit me and Uncle M on the weekend" and he said "Yes" and I asked "Would you rather go to the zoo or to Kelly Tarltons?" and he said "Kelly Tarltons". Doesn't seem like an incredibly interesting conversation but the fact that it was a conversation thrilled me to bits!! | | Monday, March 30th, 2009 | | 11:18 pm |
I have gained 16 kg in the last year. That's 27% of my body weight. Who gains 27% of their body weight in a year? That's crazy talk. And even 16 kg ago, I had wanted to drop 2 kg. That's 18 kg I have to lose. That's quite intimidating. I was quite fit - 59 kg, 12.75% body fat. Now I'm... er... a lot more... and 20-something per cent body fat. I've taken to warning my friends that I haven't seen in a while that I've gained so much weight, due to the fact that the ones I've seen have literally gasped when they've seen me. Not out of nastiness, but out of pure surprise. I've gained over a quarter of my weight, who can berate them for that? I went to a weight watchers meeting today. What a waste of time. Fantastic at the right level, but it's aimed at people who don't know about weight loss, and healthy eating. Everything they said was so below me. Vain, I know, but there was nothing said that I didn't know. I'm not sure where to go. I know what to do, but I have no idea how to do it. I am so stressed, so much lacking in time that there seems to be no options for me. And I hate myself so much. The words that come out of my mouth when I look in the mirror are beyond nasty. I know that body image shouldn't equal self image, but let's face it, it does. Now I have to find a way to do it myself. | | Wednesday, March 25th, 2009 | | 10:13 pm |
Crappy and Yay
Crappy Stuff:My business is sucky. Nothing surprising, everybody's is as this is the biggest depression seen since the Great Depression and this is the first ever worldwide one in history. My nurse is about to sue me for dismissing her for assaulting me. Stupid woman. Without my nurse my turnover has halved. I'm going to have to withdraw from the festival as I don't have enough time to write the show in time. I promised myself I would only buy the business if I would never put it ahead of my comedy. But unfortunately no one predicted a world wide depression. And my business needs me. My boy and I have no contact. We share a bed. That's it. No intimacy, only sleeping. We began relationship counseling yesterday. It was pretty much textbook so, being trained as a psychologist and all, I had already gone through all of it with M. I have nightmares most nights that he is out of love with me or I have kissed someone else. Last night I dreamt he died. The pain was still there when I woke and has been recalled throughout the day. I am going through a bottle of gin every three days. It's the only way to stop the noise in my head enough to sleep. I have tried not drinking or only drinking a little. The result of that is to try and sleep, not be able to, get up to drink then go to sleep. My sister is acutely and chronically ill with her pregnancy. I feel helpless and have to refrain from stupid suggestions like "eat something bland". I am scared for her and the babies as she has lost 13kg and is 3 months pregnant with twins. My boy is going through a stressful time, yet I am so wrapped up in my stresses that I am not there for him. In addition I am starting to say nasty things to him purely out of stress. We don't argue, but I will be a bitch nonetheless. I miss my nephew. Sure, I can only stand kids in small doses, but this one I miss. I also hate that I don't get to see my niece as much as I would like. It makes me feel isolated. I have gained so much weight. I have gained 21% of my body weight. That is just ridiculous. Yay Stuff:My best friend since high school, Chris, is back in the country for 9 days. I am so excited! I have been talking about him to the girls for months so they finally got to meet him today. I've stopped drinking wine and feel so much better. I wake up in the morning and feel normal (if a little tired for having not much sleep due to being up drinking gin!) Without the nurse in my workplace the vibe is amazing. And I am sure my clients will pick up on that. My girls are vibrant and they laugh like they haven't laughed before. I knew I wasn't providing a safe workplace for them but had neglected to do anything about it. I didn't realise quite the impact it had. But now they have a safe place to come every day. I am going to The Fray concert tomorrow. They are my favourite band and I can't believe they are here!!!! All in all, there is more crappy stuff than good stuff. And everything shitty can be related back to the business. I knew owning a business would be hard. But nobody could have predicted this recession. Sure, I accounted for an insane drop in turnover before I purchased the business to make sure I could handle anything, but there is not one economist who could have predicted how damaging this would be to the world. It keeps me up at night. Literally. But I have no doubt I will get through this, if for no other reason than our Head Office is so smart. It's just stressy right now is all. | | Sunday, March 22nd, 2009 | | 12:43 pm |
Had a gig last night and made a joke about Tourettes. Now there's a guy who wants to "stab me in the throat". It's not my week. | | Friday, February 27th, 2009 | | 11:30 am |
My face is achy. Bone graft. Not anywhere as bad as I thought tho. More a fatigued ache. Certainly nothing like the tonsillitis crap I had going on last year (almost a year ago exactly!). 11am onwards I'm off work tho. Yay! Rest! | | Thursday, February 26th, 2009 | | 2:13 pm |
Had my operation today. My darling is looking after me. "Please bring me another blanket please darling!!" |
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